Dear children who’s asses I consider kicking on a daily basis but don’t out of restraint that I show out of love,
I am dumbfounded. This morning I witnessed something that disturbed me and has resulted in me writing you this letter. Owen called Matt fat and Matthew kicked Owen’s ass. When I sat the two of you down to discuss this and said, “Matt, why did you kick your brother’s ass?” I was completely grossed out by the ease in which Matt replied, “What, he called me fat.”
Are you freakin’ serious? How EASILY you justify hurting someone else. How COMFORTABLE you are by inflicting pain on another human being… a human being who also happens to be your brother. I am disgusted. I have been disgusted by these actions for a very long time.
I have a little news flash for you all:
We are ALL you have. That’s right… this is it. I have people who I went to kindergarten with and knew and hung out with until I left high school. I spent my entire lives thinking we were “friends”. Guess how many of them are my friends today?
You *think* you have some kind of army. You *think* you have friends and girlfriends but the reality is… they will be gone. By the time you are my age most of them won’t even remember your name. Maybe someday you will get married and share a love that is unmatchable but even THAT might not last. What you WILL have is your family. You will have each other.
If there is anyone on the planet you should honor with love and patience and compassion then it is each other. When your friends turn on you in high school or your husbands or wives walk out the door you will feel alone in the world and desperately seek someone to comfort you. You might look around frantically searching for someone who will just hold you or sit with you or listen… and you will find each other.
I cannot handle this anymore. I am staring to feel like frickin’ Mills Lane constantly trying to referee your stupid fights. I am sick of listening to you explain and defend yourselves when you hurt one another. I don’t care about your reasons. I don’t care that it was an “accident”. What I care about is how you can look each other in the tear-filled eyes and try to justify how you put those tears there.
What did we fight so hard for? Did we REALLY just go through two years of hell with each other just to destroy it? Why do you take this family for granted? How can you care so little?
God did not create us and place us together in the hopes that we would, one day, off each other. He put us together because He wanted us to nurture and support each other. I am sure that He is as heartbroken as I am when He hears how you scream at and threaten one another, how you belittle and demean, how you hurt and destroy.
What gets me the most is how easily you do it. You all act so justified as if you were left with no other option. When I speak to you about these behaviors you shrug noncholantly and act as if you had tried any number of remedies before being forced to lash out with your fists, which -BY THE WAY- is never a solution. I do not hear you speak to one another and say, “That hurt my feelings.” or “That makes me feel awful.” There is zero communication other than the words that come shrieked and shrill and on the knuckles of your hand.
I once did a little experiment for a week… perhaps you remember. For one week I allowed you each to pick each other’s punishments. If Owen drew on the wall with permanent marker I would ask Matthew to choose between three different punishments like GOING TO HIS ROOM, NO VIDEO GAMES FOR ONE WEEK and BEAT HIM WITH REEDS.
I spent that entire week feeling disgusted because each of you would choose the harshest and most disturbing punishment for one another. Then, you would laugh and heckle the second you knew someone was about to get it.
I am at the point where I need to just place you all on time out because if one of you gets put there then the rest of you just stand nearby and snicker at them. I have never seen such cruelty amongst loved ones. Never have I seen people truly enjoy the suffering of others so much, especially their brothers and sisters.
I have these fantasies in my head of just randomly snatching one of you out of thin air and whooping your ass until you cry and then locking you in your room with another sibling and forcing them to comfort you. I think of being as horrid as possible just in the hopes that maybe you will unite on the common ground of despising me. If I withhold food and water maybe you will band together with a plan to sneak some in the night and if I create a prison-like atmosphere for you then maybe you will engage in whispered plots to overthrow me. If it is mutiny that brings you together then so be it. This is how desperate I am to get you all to love each other as much as I do.
In reality I am left to continue to whisper prayers from my bed each night that God will soften your hearts to each other and make you see one another from His eyes.
In the Bible, Joseph was the eleventh of twelve sons and his brothers conspired to toss him into a pit, kill him and eventually sold him to merchants who enslaved him. Joseph grew up to become one of the most powerful men in Egypt and eventually rescued his brothers from famine. When he was reunited with his family he was a grown man. He had received his heartbreak in solitude, imprisoned and alone with no family and no support. No one fought for him. His brothers got to sit and watch the heartbreak of their father and spent their lives feeling guilty for what they had done. In the end, the prophesies were filled and those jealous brothers were forced to bow down to Joseph.
Talk about family drama.
That shit just ain’t gonna fly with me. So… you all had better do some serious thinking because if I EVER find out that one of you has sold another of you into slavery or swapped Emi for a valuable Pokemon card or something then you will begging the Lord to deliver you out of my wrath. FSHO.
Think about it.