Because everyone needs to know everything about Robert Pattinson I have taken the liberty of writing up this brief biographical blog post and, just so you know… every word of it is truth.
He was born May 13th of 1986 which makes him legal 23 years old and grew up in London, England where he was born because the fucking British have it so lucky. His mom worked for a modeling studio and his dad did some shit involving cars.
Rob (I get to call him this because we’re on that level, dontcha know) did a bit of theater and whatnot in highschool and modeled for abit until he realzed that that made him somewhat gay and so he cut it out and concentrated more on the acting thing which is less gay. He scored a pretty decent role in a Harry Potter movie and I’ll be fucking damned if my heart wasn’t shattered when his character was killed right off. As if I didn’t see it coming but still.
I didn’t feel at all guilty for fantasizing sexually about him as a teenager. But I admit I feel better knowing that now, when I molest him in my mind, he’s at least of legal age.
But moving on from that personal sidenote…
After the whole Harry Potter thing he did some other junk and then landed a role playing Edward Cullen in the movie and book franchise Twilight with that whore Kristen Stewart who blinks too much and truly distracts from the hawtness story line if you ask me (which you didn’t but I’ll tell you anyways.) Now that he’s done Twilight, I guess he’s sort of a big deal but there has been other stuff going on in his life that he has attempted to keep out of the media’s watchful gaze.
At some point between filming all of this shit he’s been doing he met and fell deeply in love with some chick in Washington named Keira. He finds her to be the most beautiful and amazing woman he has ever met and married her spontaneously in a private ceremony just months ago. He has swept her off her feet and taken her and her beautiful children to live in a ginormous castle full of awesomeness where he devotes his life to making them truly happy. With all his damned sexiness.